If you're at work on this beautiful summer Friday, we share your pain. But at least be aware that today is "National Duck Out For A Drink Day," a three-year-old holiday (of sorts).
The holiday, as The Awl's Alex Balk explains, was actually the will of one of our founding fathers. Who knew? It is apparently mentioned in "Washington's famous 'Fuck This Shit' section of The Federalist Papers (later withdrawn due to a great deal of internecine dispute which we do not have the space to get into here)," Balk writes. Because of this tragedy, Balk took it upon himself to restart the holiday back in 2010.
We believe it is our American duty to join Balk. And it is your duty as well. Here are some tips:
Just One (or Two) Drinks: Do not get drunk. That isn't the mission of this holiday (that's what National Rum Day was for). The true beauty of this celebration is that you come back to work knowing you did something sneaky — while still remaining more or less sober.
Have an Excuse: Be daring. On the spectrum of stepping away from work excuses, wherein "coffee" and "negotiations for hostages with international drug cartel" are on opposite ends, you kinda want to gravitate toward the quick-cup-of-coffee side. Remember, the whole fun is sneaking away and getting away with it not blowing work off completely.
Lunch Does Not Count: You could have a glass of wine at lunch any day. Therefore this does not count. You actually have to go drink at a bar. But maybe eat something so you don't get drunk. Except eating isn't the point, drinking is. So maybe some pretzels? Hopefully, this is all not too confusing.
Take a Co-Worker: Organize via G-chat so as not to arouse suspicions. Also, this gives you someone to giggle with after you come ba—BRB.
Photo by Joshua Resnick via Shutterstock.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.