Even though they already have a $20 million palace in Brentwood and are supposedly building a home in the tony just-outside-Boston neighborhood of Chestnut Hill, New England Patriots ball thrower Tom Brady and famous picture poser Gisele Bundchen are looking for a home in Manhattan. Y'know, for when they're in town or whatever. They've owned property in New York before, places they've sold for millions and millions of dollars, but I guess they want to buy another one now. I think they like flipping properties? Or at least Gisele does? Whatever the reason, they're looking for a place in the West Village, so if you know of one, let them know. Probably not a walk-up if they can avoid it, some actual kitchen space would be nice, maybe a fire escape they could sit on when it gets hot in the summer. You know. Standard stuff. If you hear about something, they'd really appreciate a heads up. [Page Six]
Oh, the royals! William and Kate, who are Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and will one day be the bloodthirsty King and Queen of all Britain, were at some sort of event in Glasgow, glad-handing with the northern wildlings and trying not to grimace. Some sort of little girl creature (Are they called girls in Scotland? Who knows what sort of guttural words these savages use?) was apparently waiting all day to see William and Kate but then when William went to give her a kiss on the cheek, she recoiled hilariously! How awkward! Oh well. William was gracious about it, as he always is, but of course he quietly told his security people to "deal with it." Which cannot mean good things for that poor girl and her family. Meanwhile Kate was trying not to vomit in disgust as people handed her little things they'd sadly knitted and asked her about baby names. She said that friends are constantly texting her with suggestions, but that it's difficult. Well, yeah, especially when, as future Queen of Terrors, you only have like three names to choose from. The kid can be either Edward, Henry, or James. And that's if it's a girl! If it's a boy its name actually has to be Your Majesty. Your Majesty Windsor. So all the texts in the world, and all the hollered out slurrings of these terrible Scotch people, don't mean a lick. Kate's hands are tied. Sometimes literally when the Queen needs to have a word with her. It's a dark life, folks. A dark, dark life. [Us Weekly; Us Weekly]
Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zornak or whatever her name is was on an aeroplane flying from the ruined red clay wastes of Georgia up to great glittering, gleaming New York recently, and on the flight almost got into some business with a lady. Not sexy business! No, quite the opposite. See she was on the whizzy-bird with her husband and she thought that some woman was making sexy eyes at him and she did not like that. But her husband talked her down. He told her to let it go and so she eventually did. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention: Kim Zelnick's husband? His name? It is Kroy. I'm not making that up. His actual human name is Kroy. KROY. I wonder if he was allowed to bring his battle axe and broadsword on the plane with him? Did the stewardesses respond well when he banged his meaty fist down on the tray table and said "Kroy demands mead!"? What is flying with Kroy like? "No, woman. Do not fight her, we must save our strength." Kroy! "I am Kroy, son of Kroy. This is my woman, Kim Zo... Zo— Honey what's your last name again? Sorry." KROY. God I love Kroy. Every time I read something about Kroy it makes me smile. Good for Kroy. I mean, terrible that his whole clan was murdered by Zothar the Destroyer and that he's sworn a blood oath to get his revenge, but other than that? He really makes me happy. Kroy! [Page Six]
I don't know, guys. Amanda Bynes is having more issues. She tweeted something recently about having an eating disorder. It's not good. I know people are finding this story super funny, but I just can't really muster it. Girl is not in good shape. But, if you want to read all about it, here it is. I'm gonna go back to quietly fretting and doing nothing about it because she's a stranger and what the hell do I know, really. [Us Weekly]
There are a LOT of these photos posted online and I never link to them or anything, but I look at them always, so I figured I should share them with you this time. Here are some photos of Chris Hemsworth carrying his tiny baby. Yeah. If that's something you're into, here you go. They're quite something. [Daily Mail]
And here's a photo of Katie Holmes's gym ID tag, because we live in a terrible voyeuristic society that has no appreciation for the bounds of privacy. [Daily Mail]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.