Cold open—President Obama (Jay Pharoah) demonstrates the real-world effects of sequestration, with help from air traffic controllers forced to watch Doritos ads before they can check radar, security screeners forced to rely on down-the-pants photos texted to them by travelers, and the Village People.
The Vatican introduces its new selection for Pope: 9-year-old child actress Quvenzhané Wallis (Kevin Hart).
The Walking Dead—Zombie apocalypse survivors Bill Hader, Taran Killam, Kate McKinnon, and Nasim Pedrad (as 12-year-old Carl) aren't sure: is Kevin Hart a zombie, or are they just being racist?
Really!?! with Seth and Kevin—Seth Meyers and Kevin Hart take on the Supreme Court's skepticism of the Voting Rights Act. (Hart: "They say the act is unconstitutional? Look, the Constitution used to say I'm 3/5ths of a person. Don't get me wrong... I'm short—but I'm not that short...")
The monologue—Hart recalls his unsuccessful SNL audition.
NEXT, on March 9: Justin Timberlake as host and musical guest.