Ain't No Party Like a Liz Lemon Party: 100 of the Best '30 Rock' Quotes

"I really don't think it's fair for me to be on a jury since I'm a hologram." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 14

"Most of that time has been spent trying to come up with a hip, edgy name that would appeal to the marketing holy trinity: college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals." —Jack, Season 3, Episode 14

"But why would you want to cut your hair? You look exactly as I imagine Mary Magadalene to be." —Kenneth, Season 3, Episode 15

"Go to Disneyland? Lemon, I've held Walt Disney's frozen head in my hands." —Jack, Season 3, Episode 16

"Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 16

"Yes, the rest of us talked about it last night at Finnegan's, the bar we go to after work. In my dreams." —Kenneth, Season 3, Episode 17

"We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 18

"The Kid's Choice Awards? Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven-Symoné for one day, but she knows what she did." —Jenna, Season 3, Episode 18

"You're wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically-manipulated shark." —Tracy, Season 3, Episode 19

"In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 19

"Isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?" —Elisa, Season 3, Episode 19

"Don't push it Liz, let it happen. There's gonna be a Mama Mia!" —Liz, Season 3, Episode 21

"If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 21

"Which one is the elevator I'm not afraid of?" —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 1

"When the Parcells first came to America, they lived in a town called Sexcriminalboat." —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 3

"My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 5

"Looks like you got a bad case of the chew-daddies. Ozark kisses? The woodsman's companion?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 5

"Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. Should I start taking them to test their side effects?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 5

"Global warming? Sorry, sir, that's just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. If that's true, why was he killed by a monkey?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 6

"I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled out 'Susan B. Anthony' at the moment of conception." —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 9

"For four years I've had to make do with what passes for men around here, with their untucked shirts, boneless faces, their Stars, both Wars and Trek." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 10,

"You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 11

"The imaginary enemy. Classic move, Lemon. The Salem Witch Trials, the Red scare, global warming." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 11

"I'm sure she's down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born." —Jenna, Season 4, Episode 12

"There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!" —Liz, Season 4, Episode 18

"Well I'm sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can't remember. You haven't walked in my shoes! All my life I've tried to forget the things I've seen: I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs! I watched a prostitute stab a clown! Our basketball hoop was a ribcage! A guy in dreads electrocuted my fish! a crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal!" —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 21

"I've prepared a very unromantic evening. First we're going to see a documentary about female circumcision, and then we're going to eat too much Indian food." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 21

"God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 21

"Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?" —Jack, Season 5, Episode 6

"Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor." —Liz, Season 5, Episode 7

"That is actually my thoughtful window staring place. Visitors can go over here." —Jack, Season 5, Episode 8

"I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help." —Jack, Season 5, Episode 9

"Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old." —Liz, Season 5, Episode 12

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Caroline Stanley is managing editor at Flavorwire.

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