'Tis the Season to be Hateful (in Sports)

I have to say I'm impressed, Hampton. Your Haterade is free-flowing and apparently can be found in all 50 states. Mine is much more concentrated and perhaps more vitriolic.

I'm looking at you, Boston and Philadelphia. You are the Sodom and Gomorrah of sports.

Where do I start? The snowballs Eagles fans threw at Santa Claus? The time the Philly crowd booed local boy Kobe Bryant (a product of heralded Lower Merion High School) after he won the MVP at the 2002 NBA All-Star Game? The beer bottle that smashed into a wall two inches above my head the last time I went to Fenway Park, all because I was singing "New York, New York" after the Yankees beat the Red Sox?

OK, I guess I understand the last one. But the fan bases of these two cities are the absolute worst, and I have nothing but hate for every sports team from both towns. Show me a Philly or Boston participant in the Little League World Series, and I'll boo them too. The only positive outcome to the current Celtics-76ers playoff series would be every player simultaneously tore his ACL.

The worst days of my life as a sports fan came at the hands of a Boston team. That'd be the 2004 Red Sox, who came back from a 3-0 deficit to beat the Yankees in the ALCS—oh wait, that never happened, along with Godfather III and Windows Vista. To this day, I hate anyone involved with that team, from current Red Sox players like David Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis to Unfrozen Caveman Johnny Damon, whom I irrationally disliked even when he played for the Yankees.

At least Boston's anger stems from a never-ending sense of dread brought on by a century of missed sports opportunities. In Philadelphia, they hate every other team just for the sake of hating them, and they're proud of it. After the Rangers beat the Flyers in this year's Winter Classic, Philly fans vented their frustration by beating the crap out of a Rangers fan who turned out to be a New Jersey policeman. That's sadly par for the course for a fan base whose natural emotion seems to be anger with a side of violence.

Wow, that felt good. Care to join in the Haterade party, Patrick?

–Jake

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Patrick Hruby, Jake Simpson, and Hampton Stevens 

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