Cold Open: New Year, New Hope—democrats dream of better headlines for 2011 ("John McCain Unveiled as a Muslim!"...):
Under-underground Records invites you to "Crunkmas Karnival" at the Metrodome, (featuring "bands that will make Santa puke," a mayonanaise fight with C. Everett Koop, "wack-ass junk for immigrants," and more...)
Julian Assange (Bill Hader) congratulates Time magazine on its selection of Mark Zuckerberg as Person of the Year. ("I give you private information on corporations for free, and I'm a villain. Mark Zuckerberg gives your private information to corporations for money, and he's man of the year"...):
Turner Classic Movies presents "This You Call a Wonderful Life?"—the original Hanukkah-themed version of the Jimmy Stewart holiday favorite. (Also, "A Mitzvah on West 84th St."):
Digital Short: "I Just Had Sex," featuring Akon, and cameos by Blake Lively, Jessica Alba, and John McEnroe:
Also: Snooki, Stefon, and Governor David Paterson drop by Weekend Update to sing "O Christmas Tree"; a holiday message from the Kardashian sisters— ("To all our friends, 'Merry Christmas'; to all our agents and managers, 'Happy Hanukkah'; and to all our boyfriends, 'Have a great Kwanzaa!'...).
NEXT, ON JANUARY 8: Jim Carrey, with musical guest The Black Keys.