Penguin Classics
Well, we're getting an action-movie 3D adaptation of Paradise Lost. As someone who has five copies of John Milton's epic in my apartment, I suppose I ought to be raging, wailing, and tearing my hair over this. But it's as if writing about popular culture has infected me with a paralyzing neurotoxin, and I can only give an epic shrug and accept the inevitable butchery of a terrific work. There are ways of adapting the basic concept of the Fall that might actually work quite well. A movie version of the events of Neil Gaiman's Season of Mists, in which a bored Satan quits as overseer of Hell, hands the key to the reluctant Lord of Dreams, and heads out to hang out on the beach in Australia, prompting some inter-mythic rivalries and intrigues, provides a more easily navigable plot framework and probably the best, most containable way to make a Sandman movie (I can't even deal with the CW's planned adaptation of the graphic novels. I just can't).
I just hope that Legendary Pictures keeps a couple of things in mind with this adaptation. First, most of the characters are boring. Adam and Eve are hopelessly naive and lovey-dovey. God's a bit of an impenetrable jerk. And the Son just sort of sits around and glows obnoxiously. If it takes aerial warfare to spice things up, fine. But cast a seriously phenomenal actor as Satan, because you're going to need it. Second, don't skimp on the special effects. This isn't some cheap-angels-attack-a-diner-Legion-style penny-ante conflict. This is the big one.
But really, all this hot mess of an idea illustrates is that we need an awesome Milton biopic. Dude was a forward-thinking advocate for free speech, divorce, and consent of the governed who became Cromwell's chief polemicist and a censor himself. And then wrote Paradise Lost. While blind. By memorizing his composition every night before bed and dictating it the next day. That's a life that needs no aerial combat or special effects to spice it up. But just like Paradise Lost, it does demand a completely terrific lead actor.
Join the Discussion
After you comment, click Post. If you’re not already logged in you will be asked to log in or register. blog comments powered by Disqus