5 Things You Need to Know Before the 'Glee' Premiere

2. Everybody Dates Each Other

McKinley High is one big incestuous family. Love triangles turn into squares into pentagons into shapes with so many sides they stop teaching you the names of them in geometry class. And it's not just the students who weave these tangled webs of romance—their parents and teachers are in on the action too. A picture is worth a thousand words; here's charting New Directions' Bad Romance:

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Wheelchair-bound Artie and reformed stutterer Tina are the nerd couple. They bonded over their respective ailments (though Tina—scandal—was faking her speech impediment), and have now cornered the aw shucks market of Glee love.

Though they certainly have competition from choir director Will and guidance counselor Emma. During the first half of the season, the two carried a remarkable amount of sexual tension for a sweater vest-wearing man and woman who owns a cardigan in every color. So when Will divorced his shrew wife Teri, their "will they/won't" they became a "they did." That is, until Emma agreed to marry the football coach, Will hooked up with another school's choir director, and they decided to just be friends...for now.

It's best to channel your inner twelve-year-old girl to understand this next part: Quarterback Finn dated cheer captain Quinn (Finn & Quinn—roll your eyes). Finn found himself in an "unlikely" romance—except completely likely because they're the show's leads—with Rachel once he joined glee. Quinn cheated on Finn with his best friend Puck, so Finn dumped Quinn and spent the rest of the season caught between Quinn and Rachel. Except for that one night that he slept with Santana.

Rachel, tired of pining after Finn, had a brief fling with Puck (because they're both hot Jews...really), before getting her heartbroken by the rival glee club's leading man. Kurt, coming to terms with coming out, developed a crush on Finn. Things only got more awkward when Kurt's dad began dating Finn's mom and the two boys became roommates.

It's all very complicated, and that's before even getting into the...

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Kevin Fallon is a reporter for the Daily Beast. He's a former entertainment editor at TheWeek.com and former writer and producer for The Atlantic's entertainment channel.

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