When Grown Ups Get Timeouts, Carlos Zambrano Edition

When my toddler throws a tantrum she gets "a timeout." Her tantrums don't measure up to those of Carlos Zambrano, the husky and overpaid Chicago Cubs pitcher who went completely ape shit on his teammates the other night after surrendering four runs in the first inning. But I was amused to read on ESPN.com the punishment for a grown-up tantrum:

After consulting with Major League Baseball, the players union and the agent for pitcher Carlos Zambrano, the Chicago Cubs announced a collective agreement between all parties that will allow Zambrano to be removed from the suspended list and placed on the restricted list... Zambrano will be paid and has agreed to go through a treatment program that will have him away from the team until at least July 15... The groups collectively agreed to find independent doctors to evaluate Zambrano and provide treatment following the evaluation. During this evaluation period, and during any type of therapy, Zambrano will not have any contact with his Cubs teammates.

Aside from Zambrano having better legal representation than my daughter, this sounds remarkably like "a timeout." Next time she flings her peas, I'm going to inform her that she has been placed on the restricted list and forbidden to have contact with her playmates until such time as she is cleared by an independent medical examiner (i.e., mommy). I wonder if Zambrano, too, is forbidden from watching "Dora the Explorer"? Here's his meltdown:

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Joshua Green is a former senior editor at The Atlantic.

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