Ta-Nehisi isn't black

I just realized this after reading Ralph Nader--that druken master of Ebonics--give his take on Obama and race. Nader, along with many other penatrating scholars of the black experience, have helped me to understand not just Obama's true nature, but my own. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I used the phrase "black is beautiful"--and wasn't trying to be ironic. I've said my share of awful things about white people, but I've never made it to "Whitey." Now I know I why--it's because I'm not black!

In fact, judging by these standards--which apparently require you to fall somewhere between Maulana Karenga and Jesse Jackson--there are roughly 317 black people in America. All of them live in the projects. All of them earn thier keep by making white people feel bad.

This is such a relief. Now, without any guilt, I can finally get to those keg parties, cucumber sandwiches, and most importantly, white women. Wait, if I were a black man, I'd still be chasing white women...Hmmm, seems there are still some kinks to work out...

Presented by

Ta-Nehisi Coates is a national correspondent at The Atlantic, where he writes about culture, politics, and social issues. He is the author of the memoir The Beautiful Struggle.

Ballpoint Pen Art: An Experimental Animation

"The film is a cycle of twenty drawings. The same paper is filmed, pages one through twenty, over and over again."

Join the Discussion

After you comment, click Post. If you’re not already logged in you will be asked to log in or register with Disqus.

Please note that The Atlantic's account system is separate from our commenting system. To log in or register with The Atlantic, use the Sign In button at the top of every page.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Video

The Absurd Psychology of Restaurant Menus

Would people eat healthier if celery was called "cool celery?"

Video

This Japanese Inn Has Been Open For 1,300 Years

It's one of the oldest family businesses in the world.

Video

What Happens Inside a Dying Mind?

Science cannot fully explain near-death experiences.

Video

Is Minneapolis the Best City in America?

No other place mixes affordability, opportunity, and wealth so well.

More in Entertainment

From This Author

Just In