Ta-Nehisi isn't black

I just realized this after reading Ralph Nader--that druken master of Ebonics--give his take on Obama and race. Nader, along with many other penatrating scholars of the black experience, have helped me to understand not just Obama's true nature, but my own. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I used the phrase "black is beautiful"--and wasn't trying to be ironic. I've said my share of awful things about white people, but I've never made it to "Whitey." Now I know I why--it's because I'm not black!

In fact, judging by these standards--which apparently require you to fall somewhere between Maulana Karenga and Jesse Jackson--there are roughly 317 black people in America. All of them live in the projects. All of them earn thier keep by making white people feel bad.

This is such a relief. Now, without any guilt, I can finally get to those keg parties, cucumber sandwiches, and most importantly, white women. Wait, if I were a black man, I'd still be chasing white women...Hmmm, seems there are still some kinks to work out...

Presented by

Ta-Nehisi Coates is a national correspondent at The Atlantic, where he writes about culture, politics, and social issues. He is the author of the memoir The Beautiful Struggle.

Never Tell People How Old They Look

Age discrimination affects us all. Who cares about youth? James Hamblin turns to his colleague Jeffrey Goldberg for advice.

Join the Discussion

After you comment, click Post. If you’re not already logged in you will be asked to log in or register.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Video

Never Tell People How Old They Look

Age discrimination affects us all. James Hamblin turns to a colleague for advice.

Video

Would You Live in a Treehouse?

A treehouse can be an ideal office space, vacation rental, and way of reconnecting with your youth.

Video

Pittsburgh: 'Better Than You Thought'

How Steel City became a bikeable, walkable paradise

Video

A Four-Dimensional Tour of Boston

In this groundbreaking video, time moves at multiple speeds within a single frame.

Video

Who Made Pop Music So Repetitive? You Did.

If pop music is too homogenous, that's because listeners want it that way.

More in Entertainment

From This Author

Just In