Who's WhoVolume 297 no. 1 / Jan.-Feb. 2006 Adelaide, princess, whooping cough of, 12 Aguilera, Christina, as melisma junkie, 196 Akkad, Moustapha, movie producer, as victim of jihad, 206; "professional schizophrenia" of, 207 Ali, Muhammad, as bargaining chip, 207 Anka, Paul, as "Smells Like Teen Spirit" interpreter, 196 Arioli, Susie, Canadian jazz singer, "yummy" voice of, 198 Auden, W. H., as teen idol, 156 Barnes, Julian, virtuosity of, 179 Barry, Marion, as hostage, 207 Bartoloni, Adriano, as papal paparazzo, 46 Bell, Alexander Graham, Canadian appropriation of, 194 Bennett, Tony, as MTV fixture, 195 Bergoglio, Jorge Maria, cardinal, as papal also-ran, 64-66, 89; as chemist, 89; as rider of the bus, 89 Bernanke, Ben, incoming Fed chair, scrutability of, 15 Bishop, Elizabeth, unpublished poems of, 126; Nova Scotian roots of, 192 Blume, Judy, as sex-ed teacher, 170-173 Brooks, Randy, Nova Scotia PR man, kilt of, 189 Brown, Louise Joy, first test-tube baby, birth of, 91, 133 Bryan, William Jennings, land-use prophecy of, 130 Buchanan, Pat, as culture warrior, 134 Buddha, Ohio residence of, 154 Buffett, Warren, as Cherry Coke consumer, 150 Bush, George W., prospective library of, 120-124 Bush, Jeb, as Vatican emissary, 91 Carey, Mariah, as melisma junkie, 196 Churchill, Winston, as savior of empire, 183; American mother of, 184 Clinton, Bill, moral obesity of, 154 Collins, Billy, star-spangled versifying of, 95 Comfort, Alex, joyful sexologist, as culture warrior, 132 Connery, Sean, as silver-screen Saladin, 206 Connick, Harry Jr., unfulfilled promise of, 197 Cooper, Anderson, as porn-star interrogator, 179 Copeland, Jo, fashion designer, parenting skills of, 169; sweatlessness of, 169 Cowell, Simon, on fame epidemic, 196 Cummings, E. E., star-spangled versifying of, 95 Dick, Philip K., as media critic, 12 Dickinson, Emily, star-spangled versifying of, 94 Dole, Bob, overripeness of, 154 Dukakis, Michael, as ground cover, 154 Dulles, Avery, cardinal, on desert nature of Quebec, 88 Edalji, George, Dreyfusian plight of, 179; as alleged pony mutilator, 179 Edward VIII, buttery likeness of, 183 Evers, Ridgley, on teenage olive oil, 202 Fawcett, Farrah, lackluster nurturing skills of, 169 Flynt, Larry, as Jackie O exhibitor, 46; as culture warrior, 133 Frank, Anne, as sex-ed teacher, 171 Freud, Sigmund, on erotic force of wonder, 22; exile of, 185 Frost, Robert, as JFK honoree, 62; star-spangled versifying of, 94 Gantin, Bernardin, cardinal, royal African roots of, 76 Garritano, Settimo, paparazzo, as undercover gardener, 46; as Jackie O pursuer, 46 Gehry, Frank, cookie-cutter cosmopolitanism of, 161 George V, dubious last words of, 184 Gielgud, John, Bedouin star turn of, 206 Gingrich, Newt, moral obesity of, 154 Gore, Tipper, anti-obscenity listening tour of, 133, 178 Greene, Graham, as Katrina forecaster, 145 Hamilton, Alexander, posthumous ruling of, 49; undemocratic impulses of, 144 Hamza, Luqman, jazz singer, top-shelf diction of, 198 Hardy, Oliver, Jamesian resonances of, 184 Hawthorne, Nathaniel, as war correspondent, 12 Hibbs, Mark, journalist, as nuclear gumshoe, 100-118; intense ordinariness of, 100; professional loneliness of, 102 Horton, Tim, as north-of-the-border doughnut-slinger, 193 Hutton, Barbara, as implicit conquerer of Britain, 187 Hyde, Anthony, as bard of Halifax, 192 Jahn, Helmut, Chicago architect, trademark cape of, 160 Jesus, as Anglophone, 155 John Paul II, as paparazzo target, 46; old brown shoes of, 64; Liberacean fashions of, 72; poor administrative skills of, 80; dubious last words of, 84; mosh-pit memorial of, 84; unclonability of, 90 Jones, Mrs. Bo Jo, as modern-day Hester Prynne, 172, 176 Jones, Norah, tepidity of, 197 Kasper, Walter, theologian, as "Kasper the Friendly Cardinal," 90 Katrina, hurricane, as Mardi Gras killjoy, 15 Kennedy, John F., as arts patron, 62 Khan, Abdul Quadeer, as fame addict, 98; as hotelier, 114; self-criticism session of, 116 Khan, Imran, Pakistani cricket star, on subcontinental celebrity, 98 Kipling, Rudyard, American wife of, 184 Krall, Diana, jazz singer, "endless legs" of, 195; Basingerian aspect of, 195; spotty rhythm of, 195 Lasch, Christopher, on meritocratic aristocracy, 145 Lauper, Cyndi, as jazz singer, 196 Laurel, Stan, Jamesian resonances of, 184 Lawrence, T. E., as IED innovator, 44-46 Lincoln, Abraham, as Atlantic endorsee, 57-58 MacNeil, Robert, NewsHour veteran, as Nova Scotia novelist, 192 Martini, Carlo Maria, cardinal, as papal also-ran, 64, 89; as Parkinson's sufferer, 89 Marx, Karl, as family man, 154; on globalism, 161 McFerrin, Bobby, unfulfilled promise of, 197 McGraw, Dr. Phil, "vast, impenetrable physique" of, 174; as oral-sex inquisitor, 174 Mitchell, Joni, as jazz singer, 196 Montesquieu, Baron de, as last resort, 58 Mosley, Sir Oswald, British fascist, fleeting popularity of, 185 Myers, Michael, Halloween villain, lost head of, 207 O'Neal, Ryan, as resentful father, 169; Oscar boycott of, 169; as boxing hobbyist, 169 Onassis, Jackie, nude sunbathing of, 46 Özakman, Turgut, as Michener of the Turks, 187 Page, Patti, as Woodstock headliner, 154 Pell, George, Aussie archbishop, as "Ratzinger's campaign manager," 81; trademark bush hat of, 81 Philbin, Regis, as jazz singer, 196 Pius XII, debilitating hiccups of, 80 Podhoretz, Norman, as Beat critic, 130 Qaddafi, Muammar, aborted nuclear program of, 115; as film financier, 206 Queen Latifah, as jazz singer, 196 Ramey, Phil, photographer, as "chopperazzo," 46 Ratzinger, Joseph, as Benedict XVI, 64-92; as buyer of light bulbs, 70; as feeder of stray cats, 70; Orangina intake of, 70; as sculptor, 92; as "man from a far country," 92 Ronstadt, Linda, as "singer zero" of jazz epidemic, 198 Roosevelt, Franklin D., as SEC godfather, 57 Roosevelt, Theodore, on "hurly-burly," 62 Roth, Philip, as culture warrior, 132; as sex-ed teacher, 172 Rowling, J. K., Turkish following of, 187 Ruditis, Paul, novelist, teen priapism posited by, 169; as Brady Bunch chronicler, 176 Ruini, Camillo, vicar of Rome, as papal also-ran, 64 Saakashvili, Mikhail, Georgian president, as Kennedy compadre, 149 Secchiaroli, Tazio, as ur-paparazzo, 46 Simpson, Wallis, as empire-wrecker, 183-184 Smith, Ali, novelist, as neither Zadie Smith nor Monica Ali, 173 Springsteen, Bruce, as vessel of public opinion, 155 Starr, Kenneth, as smut peddler, 176 Stern, Howard, as no match for Oprah, 174 Stevens, John Paul, as sub rosa chief justice, 48-49 Stevenson, Robert Louis, service ethic of, 204 Stewart, Rod, as jazz singer, 196 Stowe, Harriet Beecher, as Judy Blume forerunner, 170 Thoreau, Henry David, as telegraph skeptic, 12; metaphysical patience of, 22 Twain, Mark, respectable clowning of, 12 Victoria, queen, vicious grandson of, 183 Walz, Tim, National Guard veteran, as congressional hopeful, 40 Waugh, Evelyn, as social historian, 186 Whitman, Walt, star-spangled versifying of, 94 Williams, Vanessa, disgraced Miss America, abdication of, 133 Williams, William Carlos, star-spangled versifying of, 95 Wilson, A. N., on terminal unflappability of the British, 185 Wilson, Woodrow, as Fed architect, 57; on "capital fellow So-and-So," 58; on power of provincialism, 58-60 Winfrey, Oprah, oral-sex alarmism of, 173-176 Benjamin Healy is an Atlantic Monthly deputy managing editor.
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