Who's WhoVolume 296 no. 4 / November 2005 Allen, Woody, as clarinet virtuoso, 112-114; singing voice of, 112; "sad gargoyle face" of, 112; riot-ready French fans of, 112; on neo-puritanism, 114 Baudelaire, Charles, chronological sheepishness of, 106 Baumbach, Noah, Kicking and Screaming director, as not Will Ferrell, 147 Bhutto, Zulfikar Ali, Pakistani leader, as demagogue, 68; as visionary, 68; grass-eating defense policy of, 68, 76 Biggs, Charmaine, smoking-gun shopping spree of, 186 Biggs, Ronnie, Great Train Robber, jailbreak of, 186; Brazilian hideaway of, 187; Sex Pistols cameo of, 187; Die Toten Hosen and, 187; pop-star child of, 187; Marmite cravings of, 187 Bono, U2 front man, as Nobel candidate, 50; as megachurch emissary, 108 Bontrager, Bob, enrollment manager, as eater of others' lunch, 128; as kicker of others' asses, 128 Bowles, Paul, as composer, 114 Branson, Richard, Virgin chairman, flying beauty salon envisioned by, 172 Brezhnev, Leonid, dirty limericks and, 88 Brock, David, as right-wing hitman, 106; as left-wing hitman, 106; ash-covered head of, 106; tennis-pro jaw of, 106 Bush, Barbara, as Mailer dinner companion, 117 Bush, George W., as Robin Hood, 42; as Nobel long shot, 50; as Elmore Leonard fan, 154 Butler, Smedley, general, anti-FDR coup and, 87 Charles I, as "feeble, alcoholic murderer," 52; as "man of peace," 52 Chase, Salmon P., as Lincoln rival, 95; villainy of, 95; terrible speaking skills of, 95; political promiscuity of, 95; as face of dollar bill, 95 Chavez, Hugo, as Condi crush, 11; beret of, 50; as Nobel candidate, 50 Churchill, Winston, as historian, 152; publishing riches of, 152; ghostwriting staff of, 152; self-interested airbrushing of, 152 Cleaver, Ward, innumerable crimes of, 161 Colbert, Jean Baptiste, French finance minister, on taxation, 42; on goose-plucking, 42 Cranmer, Chris, British naval technician, as Satanist, 169 Curran, Paul, special counsel, as peanut inquisitor, 44 De Mornay, Rebecca, Risky Business star turn of, 147 Dickens, Charles, as penologist, 110 Diller, Barry, Picasso skull of, 114 Douglass, Frederick, on Lincoln fatigue, 92 Drexler, Peggy, gender scholar, Jiffy Pop theory of masculinity as articulated by, 161 Escriva, José Maria, Opus Dei founder, fast-track canonization of, 52 Fall, Albert, as Teapot Dome ringleader, 44; misbegotten livestock of, 44 Fiske, Edward, college critic, floodgates opened by, 138-139 Franklin, Benjamin, as jujitsu master, 163-166; as non-vegetarian, 164; stupid aphorisms of, 166; as historical corrective, 166 Fussell, Betty, food writer, live-duck recipe of, 88 Gandhi, Mahatma, craftiness of, 64; religious chauvinism of, 64 Garrison, William Lloyd, near-lynching of, 115-116 Geldof, Bob, as Pink Floyd mediator, 50; as Nobel candidate, 50 Geyl, Pieter, Dutch historian, Toynbee takedown of, 157 Goodwin, Doris Kearns, as "historian next door," 92; normal hair of, 92, 94; fateful footnotes of, 94; as play-by-play announcer, 100 Hammarskjöld, Dag, as posthumous Nobelist, 50 Hemingway, Ernest, favorite conjunction of, 157 Howell, Algie T., Virginia legislator, underwear oversight maintained by, 167-168; posture fatwa of, 168 John Paul II, as Nobel candidate, 50; canonization binge of, 52 Johnson, Andrew, as sixties icon, 92 Johnson, Lyndon, undeclared war of, 54; as book critic, 94; fleeting memory of, 94 Jong, Erica, bittersweet Eden sought by, 162 Kennedy, Anthony, as legal comparativist, 48-52; as impeachment target, 48 Kennedy, Ted, as perceived security risk, 108 Khan, Abdul Quadeer, metallurgist, as father of Pakistani bomb, 62-85; vacation home of, 62-63; slowly sinking speedboat of, 64; foreordained stomach pain of, 66; as self-starter, 70; as scavenger, 70; as ogler, 71; Strangelovean tics of, 80-82; outsize humility of, 82; as VVIP, 85; outlived usefulness of, 85 Kray, Ronnie, perfect manners of, 186; homicidal streak of, 186 Landis, John, as Animal House director, 147; enduring legacy of, 147 Lawrence, D. H., extreme humorlessness of, 164 Leda, manufacturing output of, 178 Leigh Fermor, Patrick, teen adventurer, trans-Europe stroll of, 150; as freeloader, 150; as swashbuckling shepherd, 150; allusive charm of, 150 Leonard, Elmore, on "hooptedoodle," 153; debilitating cool of, 153-159; smoothly planed surfaces of, 155; Sartre as summarized by, 156; perfect-ear imperfections of, 157-158 Lincoln, Abraham, bottomless legacy of, 92; as consoling figure, 94; as scholarly mirror, 95; "feline swats" of, 96; as masochistic manager, 96; as "greatest character since Christ," 102 Madison, James, as undeclared warmonger, 54 Madonna, Chernobyl cleanup as undertaken by, 169 Mailer, Norman, ironic eyes of, 116; octogenarian youthfulness of, 117; as "little stone golem," 117 Marcus, Bernard, Home Depot co-founder, as lord of the deep, 11 Martin, Bill, as Christian nudism entrepreneur, 168-169 Maslov, Aleksei, Russian "historian," on Atlantis, 166; on man's horned ancestors, 166 McBride, James, as "Mr. Skin," 87; market forces unleashed by, 87 McCarthy, Cormac, overbearing "ands" of, 157 Mirren, Helen, nude scenes of, 87 Moran, Jim, Virginia lawmaker, as erection watchdog, 167 Mother Teresa, as peace Nobelist, 50; disreputability of, 89 Neeson, Liam, as potential screen Lincoln, 100 Nehru, Jawaharlal, nuclear ambitions of, 68 Ose, Douglas, congressman, "tits" tolerance of, 168 Pétain, Henri Philippe, as serial fornicator, 151; peasant background of, 151; treason conviction of, 151; as non-traitor, 151 Pevsner, Nikolaus, architectural historian, on ecclesiastical ugliness, 157 Philips, Dan, as Bacon of the Month Club founder, 179 Podesta, John, as maiden aunt, 105 Posner, Richard, on drawbacks of international nose-counting, 52 Powell, Colin, as Nobel candidate, 50 Powers, Austin, neglectful father of, 161 Reynolds, Bruce, as Great Train Robber, 186; antiques store of, 186 Riefenstahl, Leni, Leave It to Beaver and, 161 Roberts, Morganna, as kissing bandit, 87; sixty-inch chest of, 87; as samizdat subject, 87 Roosevelt, Franklin, as coup target, 87; non-Freudian cigarette holder of, 98; as "fanatical, Supreme Court-packing bigot," 103 Sandburg, Carl, as Lincoln hagiographer, 92; as ringmaster, 92 Satan, seaborne following of, 169; seat-back looking glass of, 176 Seward, William Henry, as Lincoln rival, 95; as Gladstone pal, 96; as Victoria acquaintance, 96 Shankar, Ravi, as Nobel candidate, 50 Shawn, William, smoldering passions inspired by, 88-89 Shearer, Harry, on Jerry Lewis, 89-90 Sistani, Ali, grand ayatollah, on nocturnal water consumption, 167; suckling guidelines offered by, 167 Slipper, Jack, Scotland Yard hero, shoe size of, 186; pencil moustache of, 186; Clouseauvian bungling of, 187; forgotten folkways of, 187 Snoop Dogg, as porn auteur, 87 Soros, George, tousled aspect of, 115; Karl Popper and, 115; European nostalgia of, 115 Stalin, Joseph, as Elmore Leonard contemporary, 156 Stendhal, forgettable plays of, 112 Stevens, Cat, as perceived security risk, 108 Toulouse-Lautrec, Henri de, as ideal airline passenger, 174-175 Toynbee, Arnold, declining market value of, 157; as multi-tasker, 157 Vedder, Richard, economist, on higher-education vouchers, 126 Veerman, Frits, former A. Q. Khan officemate, as observer of speed limits, 71; as cheese bearer, 71; as whistleblower, 71-74 Waugh, Evelyn, as Elmore Leonard forebear, 156 Weinzweig, Ari, olive-oil authority, on bacon, 179 Westheimer, Ruth, spiritual offspring of, 144-147 Whitman, Walt, as starstruck Lincoln fan, 102 Wilentz, Sean, historian, as big-biography critic, 100 Yushchenko, Viktor, Ukrainian president, as Nobel candidate, 50 Zia ul Haq, Pakistani leader, whispered threats of, 82; mysterious death of, 82 Benjamin Healy is an Atlantic Monthly deputy managing editor.
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