Who's WhoVOLUME 294 NO. 5 / DECEMBER 2004
 Alley, Kirstie, circumference of, 109 Asgharzadeh, Ibrahim, Iranian hostage-taker, as national hero, 84-87; as persona non grata, 86 Atatürk, Mustafa Kemal, as over-secularizer, 44; as over-imbiber, 44 Aubrey, John, pen portraiture of, 122; on Shakespeare, 129 Benson, Craig, New Hampshire governor, as 15-minute manager, 62 Bismarck, Otto von, war aims of, 106 Bloom, Harold, as one-man department, 131; Falstaffian aura of, 131 Borges, Jorge Luis, born-again blindness of, 137 Bouvier, Patty, Homer Simpson sister-in-law, rumored homosexuality of, 62 Boyd, Wes, MoveOn prime mover, flying toasters and, 64 Brandeis, Louis, as judicial janitor, 111 Brando, Marlon, divorce proceedings of, 198 Brokaw, Tom, swan song of, 17 Buber, Martin, religiosity of, 142 Bush, George W., as first M.B.A. President, 65; as sucker for PowerPoint, 103; Dred Scott and, 188 Byron, Lord, sexual excess of, 129 Carcieri, Donald, Rhode Island governor, business sense of, 60-62 Carter, Jimmy, Iranian captivity of, 82-84, 87 Casillo, Salvatore, as curator of genuine fakes, 187-188 Cather, Willa, Nebraskanness of, 122 Chen Shui-bian, Taiwanese President, as China antagonist, 57 Christ, Jesus, unheeded words of, 70 Clinton, Bill, as secrecy junkie, 111 Constantine, phony donation of, 187 Cooper, Matthew, journalist, as prisoner of conscience, 116 Deng Xiaoping, as capitalist, 54 De Niro, Robert, as father figure, 199 Dylan, Bob, divorce proceedings of, 198 Ebtekar, Massoumeh, Iranian Vice President, hostage-taking youth of, 87-90; as "Screaming Mary," 90; as Philadelphian, 90 Eisenhower, Dwight, as pre-PowerPoint general, 100 Elizabeth, Queen, as Falstaff fan, 131 Erdogan, Recep Tayyip, Turkish Prime Minister, moderate Islam of, 48; as only popular Turkish politician, 48 Ferrell, Will, as stunt Bush, 64 Fitzgerald, Patrick, Plame inquisitor, as subpoena machine, 114-116 Flanders, Ned, Simpsons neighbor, wardrobe of, 62 Ford, Henry, retro tastes of, 137 Gabor, Zsa Zsa, as housekeeper, 198; discarded husbands of, 198 Garner, James, as plainsman extraordinaire, 122 Göring, Hermann, credulity of, 188 Greenblatt, Stephen, Shakespeare scholar, kingly bearing of, 131; as reverse alchemist, 134; as miniaturist, 132-134; as critical heartthrob, 134 Hardwick, Elizabeth, on seduction, 127 Hashemi, Muhammad, former Iranian radical, hostage-themed courtship of, 87; as resort entrepreneur, 92 Hobsbawm, Eric, as author of last word on Marx, 121 Hope, Bob, as balladeer, 198 Hopper, Hedda, gossip maven, as moral gatekeeper, 198 Houellebecq, Michel, sexual excess of, 129 Ireland, William Henry, as ersatz Shakespeare, 188 James, William, on war as sacrament, 188 Jonson, Ben, as murderer, 129 Keating, Frank, former Oklahoma governor, as sexual-abuse investigator, 111; on secrecy, 111 Kennedy, John F., forged letters of, 188; Marilyn Monroe and, 188 Khashoggi, Adnan, arms dealer, eye-popping per diems of, 199; as divorcé, 198-199; as tabloid joke, 199 Khashoggi, Soraya, as alimony record-breaker, 199; as Churchill paramour, 199 Killian, Jerry, Air National Guard officer, ghostwriter for, 187 Klemperer, Victor, diarist, as real-life Joseph K, 140-146; as cat lover, 141; as close reader, 142-143; as kvetcher, 144 Krusty, Simpsons clown, transvestite companion of, 62 Larkin, Philip, day job of, 130 Lerner, Alan Jay, many loves of, 198; many divorces of, 198 Libby, I. Lewis, Cheney's Cheney, waived confidentiality of, 116 Liebling, A. J., Manhattan sophisticate, sneering parochialism of, 124 Macpherson, James, as ancient Scottish bard, 187; as nineteenth-century con artist, 187 Magdalene, Mary, as Lazarus pen pal, 188 Malick, Terrence, plain-eyed brilliance of, 122 Marcos, Imelda, rumored Sapphic dalliance of, 137 Marvin, Lee, tough guy, palimony and, 198; as lounge-act punchline, 198 Marx, Groucho, as "very bad lay," 199 Marx, Karl, schoolboy nickname of, 121 Mason, Pamela, as divorce pioneer, 198 McDougal, Susan, Whitewater figure, silence of, 116 Meegeren, Han van, as lackluster Vermeer forger, 188 Miller, Judith, journalist, as subpoena target, 116 Mitchelson, Marvin, divorce lawyer, as Jackie Collins fodder, 198; as milkman, 198; as father of palimony, 198-199; as devoted husband, 199; as champion of the poor, 198; as champion of ex-trophy wives, 198 Moore, Demi, peripatetic youth of, 122; as plainswoman, 122 Mother Teresa, as baseball autographer, 188 Munro, Alice, Jamesian preoccupations of, 127; ghost stories of, 127; on menace of water, 126 Murray, William, former naval officer, on Chinese submarine threat, 58 Nietzsche, Friedrich, insanity of, 129 Novak, Robert, zipped lips of, 114-116 Nussbaum, Bernard, former White House counsel, reflexive secrecy of, 113-114 Ovid, as baptist, 126 Ozal, Turgut, former Turkish Prime Minister, as barbecue enthusiast, 44 Parker, Charlie, as Kansas Citian, 122; as plainsman, 122 Pickens, T. Boone, Texas oilman, as Swift Vets donor, 64 Piltdown Man, missing link, as archaeological hoax, 121, 188 Plame, Valerie, CIA operative, outing of, 114-118 Plath, Sylvia, as bubbly housewife, 130 Poe, Edgar Allan, drunkenness of, 129 Powell, Lewis, Supreme Court justice, on press secrecy, 116 Putin, Vladimir, as belt tightener, 17; plunging approval ratings of, 17 Rasputin, Grigory, as satyr, 154 Rice, Condoleezza, as weak link, 106 Robinson, Marilynne, nearly perfect first novel of, 135-138; less perfect second novel of, 135-138 Rolvaag, O. E., on hardship of the Plains, 122 Romney, Mitt, as "CEO of Massachusetts," 65; Olympian achievements of, 60 Roosevelt, Kermit, CIA hand, as Iran coup maestro, 89 Rumsfeld, Donald, incoming message of, 188 Rupf, Jörg, distiller, artisan vodka and, 190-194 Russert, Tim, as subpoena target, 114 Rutledge, Ann, alleged Abe Lincoln sweetheart, 188 Salisbury, Lord, British statesman, sassiness of, 122 Sandburg, Carl, as dupe, 188 Scheuer, Michael, "Anonymous," epistle of, 50-52 Schweitzer, Brian, Montana guber-natorial candidate, as rancher, 60; as businessman, 60-62, 65; as cherub, 60 Shakespeare, William, as biographer's nightmare, 129; as control freak, 129; as terrible husband, 129-130; as bed bequeather, 130; as critical mirror, 131; erotic mysteries of, 132; suspiciously late works of, 188 Shelby, Richard, Alabama senator, trusting nature of, 114 Shelley, Percy Bysshe, sexual excess of, 129 Simpson, Homer, specific sexual preference of, 62 Smith, Emmitt, running back, as authenticity entrepreneur, 187 Smith, Winston, as totalitarian pawn, 140, 142, 146 Smithers, Waylon, lackey, as doll collector, 62 Soros, George, as political rainmaker, 64 Spears, Britney, pre-fab pre-nups of, 198 Stephen, Leslie, eminent Victorian, as "considerate autocrat," 121; as father of Virginia Woolf, 121; as superbiographer, 121 Thurman, Robert, father of Uma, on transcendent consciousness, 137 Trevor-Roper, Hugh, historian, forged Hitler diaries and, 188 Ward, Andre, boxer, as savior of the Republic, 78 Watkins, Sherron, Enron whistleblower, as shrinking violet, 111 Wilde, Oscar, forgiven hubris of, 129; as antisocial socialist, 144 Williams, Brian, NBC anchor, perpetual tan of, 17 Benjamin Healy is an Atlantic Monthly deputy managing editor.
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