Who's WhoAguilera, Christina, as latter-day Mouseketeer, 121 Andrews, Julie, as bargaining chip, 43 Austen, Jane, as runner-up, 149 Bayh, Evan, as future Democratic star, 36 Beers, Charlotte, as thwarted public- diplomacy czar, 47 Begin, Menachem, former Israeli PM, as man of the people, 40 Bell, Tim, British PR pro, as American propagandist, 173 Bellow, Rachel, executive coach, as introspector-for-hire, 126 Bloom, Harold, as slip of the tongue, 89 Bork, Robert, landmark rejection of, 51-52 Bremer, Paul, potholes and, 72; as lord of Cpathia, 72; conservative economic agenda of, 72-73; combat boots of, 72 Brennan, William, as liberal icon, 51 Brodie, Jean, prime of, 152-154; delusions of, 153; as fascist, 152 Brownback, Sam, as potential social-conservative standard-bearer, 36 Buffett, Warren, diverse holdings of, 104, 107; homespun thrift of, 104, 108; as vaudevillian, 104; meteorological unflappability of, 104-107, 112; as Daddy Warbucks, 106; as Jimmy Buffett kin, 106; Tiger Woods and, 106; as Will Rogers, 106-107; as Mark Twain, 106-108, 110; as Schwarzenegger adviser, 106; as moral J. P. Morgan, 106; collected works of, 107-110; as Jack Benny, 108; boastful self-deprecation of, 108; as Capra capitalist, 109; as tech-stock doomsayer, 106-111; as saint, 110; as Tom Sawyer, 110; as Bartleby, 110 Bush, George W., as-yet-unwritten political obituary of, 35-36; gifts received by, 46; as embattled political scion, 52 Byron, Christopher, business writer, as English major gone wild, 115 Card, Andrew, ornamental dagger of, 46 Cash, W. J., Southern mind of, 131-132 Cato, as crop scientist, 186 Chambers, John, Cisco executive, as world's, um, greatest CEO, 116 Chandler, Raymond, as Wodehouse schoolmate, 138 Cheney, Dick, as outsourcing beneficiary, 173; hideout of, 89 Chirac, Jacques, as prospective Algerian leader, 41; toiletries of, 46 Chomsky, Noam, as leading man, 116 Cockburn, Alexander, as Marxist, 138; as Wodehousian, 138 Conrad, Joseph, on anarchism, 16 Cronyn, Hume, as kiddie idol, 121 Dean, Howard, potential comeback of, 36 DiMaggio, Joe, as Warren Buffett of baseball, 106 Doo, Scooby, as insult to juvenile intelligence, 120 Dunlap, "Chainsaw Al," former Sunbeam chairman, psychological profile of, 115 Eisner, Michael, Disney CEO, pay package of, 113 Ellington, Duke, as burdened genius, 149 Ely, Melvin Patrick, as discerning Southern historian, 132, 134 Estrada, Miguel, would-be judge, ideological shyness of, 52 Fink-Nottle, Gussie, as textbook Wodehouse creation, 141 Fiorina, Carly, Hewlett-Packard CEO, as yachtswoman, 116; balls of, 116 Fleisher, Michael, former CPA official, as brother of Ari, 73; as anti-cronyism crusader, 73; irony and, 73 Forster, E. M., as executioner, 152 Frist, Bill, as Rove suitor, 36 Garner, Jay, Iraq administrator, as space cowboy, 72; as lord of the Orhanians, 72 Gatsby, Jay, management secrets of, 127 Grasso, Richard, glass house of, 112 Hassan II, Moroccan king, as rumored Mossad mole, 41 Hemingway, Ernest, cranky authenticity of, 107 Horner, Tim, security consultant, omniscience of, 128; on crazy nephews, 128 Hussein, Saddam, personal beatings administered by, 178; as antiquities dealer, 177-178; as al-Jazeera junkie, 42 Hussein, Uday, as barkeep, 62; as disco psychopath, 78 Insana, Ron, CNBC reporter, huggability of, 106 Joyce, William, as "Lord Haw Haw," 137; as wronged man, 137 Karloff, Boris, as cricketer, 138 al-Kasim, Faisal, al-Jazeera talk-show host, as Gore Vidal fan, 41; as relative progressive, 41-43; as Satan, 42; loneliness of, 41-43 Kerry, John, legal team of, 15; as-yet-unwritten political obituary of, 35-36; foreign friends of, 43; lamb policy of, 43; as Vegas act, 43; as Heineken man, 59 Khurana, Rakesh, business analyst, as cut-rate Tolstoy, 113 Kimmel, Jimmy, late-night funnyman, on paste-eating, 119 Kirchner, Nestor, Argentine President, as lambassador, 46 Kucinich, Dennis, as logical extreme, 56 Lange, Dorothea, sensitive eye of, 133 Lay, Kenneth, disgraced Enron CEO, as preacher's son, 113; as marshmallow man, 114; as Elmer Fudd, 114; as interior decorator, 114 LeRock, Mandy, as adult-film alias, 160, 165 Lindbergh, Charles, as counterfactual President, 144-146; as actual anti-Semite, 144 Mack, Connie, IV, political progeny, as brawler, 52; Hooters and, 52 Mandela, Nelson, as Enron honoree, 114 McCain, John, Manchurian candidacy of, 101 McGuire, Lizzie, über-tween, meteoric rise of, 122 Mikey, cereal spokesboy, as Pop Rocks casualty, 187 Mitchell, William A., food chemist, as father of Tang, 186; Cool Whip and, 186-187; as tapioca tinkerer, 186; as Martha Stewart nemesis, 186 Moore, Roy, Ten Commandments judge, as Rove-slayer, 98 Morissette, Alanis, as Green Zone chanteuse, 65 Murkowski, Lisa, Alaska senator, as nepocrat, 52 Mutschmann, Martin, Nazi functionary, lacy underthings and, 136 Nabokov, Vladimir, as control freak, 152, 155 O'Brien, Michael, Southern intellectual historian, towering achievement of, 134; occasional wrongheadedness of, 134 Orwell, George, on "Boys' Weeklies," 136; on comic sacrifice, 142 O'Toole, Peter, prettiness of, 32 Perot, Ross, on pet-rock corporate governance, 113 Portnoy, Alexander, "irrepressible schlong" of, 148 Price, Richard, novelist, as bard of New Jersey, 148 Richards, Ann, as Rove adversary, 101; Kenneth Lay and, 113 Riefenstahl, Leni, orgasmic cinematography of, 144 Rilke, Rainer Maria, on solitude, 159 Robertson, Pat, as alarmist, 50; as non-negotiable proposition, 122 Roosevelt, Franklin D., as court-packer, 51; as coup target, 116 Roth, Philip, as ringmaster, 143; insecurity and, 143; cultural sweet spot occupied by, 149; torn conscience of, 149 Rove, Karl, future scapegoat potential of, 36; close races and, 92-102; as cherry picker, 98; as stamp collector, 100; lifetime batting average of, 96; "animal ferocity" of, 96; tomato cans and, 96; Lone Star myopia of, 96; Napoleonic code of, 98; as Bush's brain, 98; as Bush's backbone, 98; as whisperer, 101-102 Rukeyser, Louis, financial guru, flowing mane of, 109 Shostak, Seth, astronomer, as intergalactic cold-caller, 58 Sloan, Alfred, unsavory business partners of, 116 Souter, David, as ideological letdown, 51 Spade, David, stiletto wit of, 118; as programming exec, 118 Spark, Muriel, God complex of, 152; as foreshadower, 153-155; Calvinist corset of, 157; as bully, 155 Spears, Britney, as latter-day Mouseketeer, 121 Spode, Roderick, Wodehouse character, fascist shorts of, 136 Sultan of Brunei, as confectioner, 46 Sweeney, Anne, ABC head, as second most powerful woman in Hollywood, 119; as David Spade sidekick, 118; as superhero, 122; Rupert Murdoch and, 120-121; improv skills of, 125; tweendom and, 122 al-Thani, Hamad bin Khalifa, Qatari emir, Oedipal coup staged by, 41 al-Tikriti, Jaber, Iraqi museum official, as cartoon villain, 177 Welch, Jack, Caligulan retirement package of, 115; as victim, 115 Wharton, Edith, as media critic, 40 Wilde, Oscar, as man from U.N.C.L.E., 139 Winchell, Walter, as presidential candidate, 146 Wodehouse, P. G., cultlike following of, 136; as Nazi collaborator, 136-137; as "bloody fool," 136; as shock jock, 136; overstayed welcomes of, 136-137, 141; as gelding, 137; as screenwriter, 138; as master of American vernacular, 138; astonishing similes of, 142; venereal disease and, 142; utter sexlessness of, 137, 139, 141-142 Yassin, Arshad, Saddam in-law, as international man of mystery, 177-180 Benjamin Healy is an Atlantic Monthly deputy managing editor.
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