Proper-Name IndexVolume 294 no. 3 / October 2004 Abu-Jamal, Mumia, as dreadlocked cause célèbre, 179 Akinola, Peter, Nigerian archbishop, as Anglican factionalist, 13 Ariès, Philippe, slightly discredited historian of childhood, 163 Ashanti, as neither Brandy nor Beyoncé, 106 Atatürk, Kemal, Turkish secularizer, Prussian tendencies of, 191 Baer, Neal, ER producer, as distinguished graduate of Colorado College, 130 Banks, Dennis, aim leader, as not Russell Banks, 106 Banks, Russell, novelist, as not Russell Means, 106 Barber, Michael, spurned Powell biographer, as "uninspiring figure," 163; as author of pretty good bad book, 163 Barbie, as totem of overwork, 171 Bean, Orson, as neither Orson Welles nor George Orwell, 103 Bin Laden, Osama, nuclear ambitions of, 58; popular support for, 59; as "person who's now been marginalized," 89; central role of in al-Qaeda, 89; escape of, 91—94; whereabouts of, 89—100; apparently healthy kidneys of, 90; as equestrian, 90; as "poor slave of God," 94; potential afterlife of, 100 Black, Cofer, former counterterrorism chief, as headhunter, 96—98; as non-Ahab, 98 Blakely, Ralph, kidnapper, sentencing chaos and, 50—53 Bovary, Charles, as chump, 175 Bovary, Emma, tongue of, 179 Bush, George, W., as divider, 39—40; Nixonian tendencies of, 39; "near dictatorial" prerogatives of, 40; Pakistan and, 60; rhetorical skills of, 62; lost year of, 68—84; as oversimplifier-in-chief, 82; echo chamber inhabited by, 73, 78—81, 84 Carrey, Jim, as "rampaging id," 196 Carville, James, as homunculus, 196 Castro, Fidel, impending demise of, 62 Chabon, Michael, novelist, short attention span of, 185 Cheney, Dick, lapsed competence of, 70 Cipriani Thorne, Juan Luis, as Peruvian potential Pope, 59; as basketball star, 59 Clarke, Richard, unwelcome candor of, 71 Clinton, Bill, as Bush adviser, 39; as divided uniter, 40; as "Great Triangulator," 179; as organic gardener, 198; DNA of, 206 Cohen, Katherine, admissions consultant, as "$28,995 Tutor," 138; as "snake-oil salesman," 138 Crick, Francis, DNA don, as militant atheist, 206—207; as accidental pantheist, 207; as prospective pimp, 207 Dale, Stacy Berg, economist, on potential uselessness of elite education, 128—129 Deacon, Charles, Georgetown dean, as anti-"craziness" hardliner, 138; stingy wait-list maintained by, 122 Edwards, Elizabeth, as girl next door, 46; as Wendy's patron, 44 Einstein, Albert, as humanitarian, 188; as "Satanic imp," 188 Eliot, T. S., as "olde frostykins," 170 Escobar, Pablo, drug lord, cell-phone overages of, 99 Flaubert, Gustave, as poet, 180; as erotic landscaper, 179 Galen, Greek humour-ist, 196 Giuliani, Rudolph, perp walks and, 114; rumored loathing for Eliot Spitzer of, 110 Gornick, Vivian, sandpile of regret and, 173—174 Granholm, Jennifer, Michigan governor, as Democratic rising star, 108 Grasso, Richard, overcompensation of, 118 Greene, Graham, as dietitian, 196 Hanauer, Cathi, as "Bitch in the House," 165 Hawking, Stephen, as Emily Litella of theoretical astrophysics, 195 Heinz Kerry, Teresa, inoperative cookies of, 13; as tractor-pull debutante, 44; as "loose cannon," 44; exotic accent of, 44; as slumber-party mom, 46; as philanthropist, 48; as counter-heckler, 48 Heinz, H. John, late senator, as humble soup maker, 46 Hikmet, Nazim, unofficial poet laureate of Turkey, 191; as exile, 191 Hussein, Saddam, as once charismatic-seeming strongman, 193; demystification of, 100; as distraction, 68—84, 94 Idema, Jonathan "Jack," former Green Beret, as freelance anti-terrorism commando, 100; checkered past of, 100 Jaruzelski, Wojciech, Polish strongman, as potential post-Castro template, 62 Jones, Daniel, as "Bastard on the Couch," 165 Kaczorowski, John, labor leader, Methuselan eyes of, 116; on lost rosiness of Buffalo, 118 Karzai, Hamid, Afghan President, electoral prospects of, 13 Kerry, John, as divided uniter, 40; marital pants of, 44; as fine wine, 48 Khan, Abdul Qadeer, Pakistani nuclear scientist, as black-marketeer, 58 Klemperer, Victor, as Holocaust diarist, 106 Klemperer, Werner, as Colonel Klink, 106 Langone, Ken, Home Depot co-founder, as no Lloyd Bentsen, 118 Leana, Frank, admissions consultant, soothing Dick Cheneyan mien of, 136 Lincoln, Abraham, as fellow sufferer with Osama bin Laden, 90—91; poll-tested beard of, 110 Lindsey, Lawrence, former White House economic adviser, loose lips of, 70 Litella, Emily, on plight of Soviet jewelry, 195; on Puerto Rican steakhood, 195 Lovejoy, Reverend, Simpsons cleric, as papal long shot, 59 Majors, Lee, as ur–TV star, 106 Mauldon, Margaret, curiously casual Flaubert translator, 175—184; cracked kettledrums and, 182 Montalban, Ricardo, as generic Latin heartthrob, 106 Moody, William Vaughn, on perils of nineteenth-century outsourcing, 196 Moore, Roger, as bygone Bond, 103; as not Michael Moore, 103 Morgan, Charles, forgotten English novelist, as dim bulb, 175 Musharraf, Pervez, unsteady hand of, 58—60, 96; as assassination target, 59, 89, 96; as nuclear weak link, 58—60 Pamuk, Orhan, Turkish novelist, as Bush speechwriter, 188; as Kurdish-rights advocate, 188; heavy-handed playfulness of, 191—193 Parkinson, Norman, fashion revolutionary, as unbolter of beautiful knees, 161 Patmore, Coventry, Victorian poet, as champion of feminine self-sacrifice, 166; as poodle, 166 Plath, Sylvia, ominous blurb of, 170 Poch, Bruce, Pomona dean, colorful metaphors of, 137—140 Poe, Edgar Allan, deceptive non-brilliance of, 175 Pope, Laurence, diplomat, on Beltway monomania, 81; on broken crockery, 73 Porter, Cole, as biochemist, 207 Powell, Anthony, as elaborately unrevealing memoirist, 163; as difficult biography subject, 163 Powell, Colin, bureaucratic losing streak of, 70; golden rule of pre-emption as explicated by, 79 Qutb, Sayyid, as jihadi Lenin, 100 Reagan, Ronald, as divided uniter, 40; as de-federalizer, 112—115 Roosevelt, Theodore, as trust-buster, 112; as conservationist, 112; as man of labor, 112; contested legacy of, 112, 118 Roth, Philip, as wizard of id, 196 Rumsfeld, Donald, lapsed competence of, 70; transformation doctrine of, 76; memos of, 79, 84; tin mouth of, 84 Scheuer, Michael, CIA veteran, as "Anonymous," 80; as "Mike," 80; on dangerous myopia of "why they hate us," 82 Schwarzenegger, Arnold, as papal long shot, 59 Shinseki, Eric, retired general, unwelcome candor of, 71 Smith, Roger, former GM president, as Michael Moore bête noire, 103; as not James Bond, 103 Spielberg, Steven, as film-school reject, 130 Spitzer, Eliot, New York attorney general, as Democratic rising star, 108—118; balding virility of, 110; as "student-council weenie," 111; as Knicks fan, 111; as bastard child of Reagan, 114; as Moses, 108; as TR disciple, 112—115; minivan of, 110; as teenage wonk, 110; as trust-buster, 112—115; as Batman, 114 Tolstoy, Leo, carelessness of, 175 Trevor, William, as chronicler of teapot, toast, and turf, 185 Van Ogtrop, Kristin, real complicated home life of, 168; Real Simple work life of, 168 Vremkin, David, fictional Middle East historian, 148 Waters, Alice, organic entrepreneur, as presidential adviser, 198—199 Watson, Dwight, would-be tractor bomber, as "one-man weapon of mass destruction," 50; slapped wrist of, 50 Wells, H. G., as science-fictiony Englishman, 103; as not George Orwell, 103 Wolfowitz, Paul, lapsed competence of, 70 Woolf, Virginia, as pre-dot-com Amazon, 171; Atlantic rejection of, 170; as "you-go girl," 171; ironic unfulfillment of, 171 Benjamin Healy is an Atlantic Monthly deputy managing editor.
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