Unemployed?

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Emma Barrie has tips for you:

Decide you really don’t go to enough museums. Start making a list of exhibits you want to see. Turn it into a list of ex-boyfriends. Count how many of them wore glasses.



How many of them took you home for Christmas. How many of them smelled like Old Spice, or preferred obscure foreign films, or were in a band with a female lead singer with good bangs. Make a bar graph of how you felt about each of them throughout the time dated. Notice clear patterns of decline.

Decide you’re going to start taking naps during the day because you write better at night. Spend a lot of time lying in bed with your eyes closed, having day-mares about the rest of your life. In these day-mares, you are older and married and sexless, fighting about the price of private schools while you pee and your husband plucks his nose hairs. Everything about the way he talks annoys you, and everything about the way you talk annoys yourself. Imagine he owns orange Crocs or pre-frayed denim. Decide to never get married. Open your eyes. Write in the notebook on your nightstand, “Alternatives? Polygamy? Raising a baby on a farm with four of your best lady friends? …Screenplay idea?”

Assuming you're a twentysomething female writer living in Brooklyn, these should help.

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