How To Write Badly Well

An instructional blog. For example, always use a thesaurus:

She manipulated the garment in a cogitative mode. ‘Hmm,’ she vocalised. ‘This attire is verifiably marvellous. What is it constituted from?’ ‘From the most meritorious velveteen,’ defined her interlocutor, simpering coincidentally. ‘Is it?’ iterated the party of the first part. ‘That’s felicitous.’

‘Additionally, this specified object has the property of being subdivided in terms of its defining mercantile characteristic, and can be taken possession of for the diminutive quantity of merely a half-dozen currency units,’ the retail employee informed. ‘Exoneration?’ supplicated the protagonist appropriately.

The commercial tertiary sector worker eyeballed her perspicaciously. ‘I said it’s five ninety-nine. Do you want it or not?’

(Hat tip: Kottke)