The Baby Trade, Ctd.

By Patrick Appel
A reader writes:

I am mother to two children adopted from abroad (Cambodia, Nepal). During our first adoption we found out that there were ethical problems in the system and agonized for months, deciding finally to adopt the one year old boy who awaited us. We did more research when we approached our second adoption, making sure that the process was ethical, that our child would not be "bought" and that no one would profit monetarily from the adoption. According to our research, our son was an orphan whose extended family could not care for him; we do not know about our daughter, but she was in a large orphanage in Katmandhu which reminded me of something out of Dickens (yes, children lived and grew up there, no it was most likely not better than being adopted out of country).

E.J. Graff has written a devastating piece, one that you linked to your blog without comment.

I would not argue with her facts, though there are many I'm sure she does not have.  What I would argue with is her ethical approach, which is black or white.  Either children are orphaned and adopted or they are not orphaned and they are "bought."  Consider the many shades of gray that develop in countries where poverty is the rule, where people sometimes cannot support their children, where there are wars, civil and otherwise. Needless to say, everything should be done to cure the ills in the places they are suffered.  Barring that, adoption is a real option, both for people in these countries, and for Americans.

The warmest support my husband and I have received is from people who are from Cambodia and Nepal. I find that telling. In any case, our children are thriving, as are we.  When they ask about their adoptions, we tell them everything we know, the good, the bad, and the unknown. Honesty is all we can offer, apart from the larger blessings of family.