Uribe '08

Reihan is fed up:

I’m really tired of Barack Obama and John McCain. Seriously. No more. I was telling my persuasive conservative friend the other day that I really wish this election pitted Vladimir Putin against Alvaro Uribe. Because let me tell you: I’m for Uribe all the way. Uribe ’08!

Given that we’re in a state of national emergency, I see no reason not to suspend the constitutional provisions that would keep a sitting foreign head of state from becoming president. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I am fully confident that Uribe would swiftly crush the rebellion in the northern two-thirds of the United States. This “Canadian government,” headquartered in Ottawa, even prints its own currency in open defiance of our sovereign rights! My understanding is that rebel leader Subcommandante Stephen Harper is interested in “warm relations” with his “neighbors to the south,” to which I say: eat tank tread, rebel scum.