Awwkwarrrd

by Chris Bodenner
Here's how a Newsweek reporter began his interview with actress Gillian Anderson:

I've got to confess. I don't know anything about "The X-Files."
OK.                      

Why is it such a big deal?             
Ohmygod. You're not going to do this to me, are you? Tell me you're not going to do this. Oh come on! ... Hire somebody that knows enough that we don't have to explain this again.

I saw the last movie, but I didn't watch all nine seasons.             
I mean, nobody did. Did they? ...

The rest is light on content and heavy on cringe:

Like where [have you invested]?
London, California, Canada. There's another country that I've just added that I'm not going to talk about because it's private. So that's four continents.

California and Canada are on the same continent.
It doesn't sound so special, then. Never mind.
...
A journalist said interviewing you is like wrestling a crocodile.
What does that mean? I have no idea.