Sign Of The Times

Dan Savage emails me an email he just got from a reader of his advice column. Telling, I think:

I am a 31 year old gay male and have been with my 27 year old boyfriend for exactly one year. This year has been absolutely amazing and he has been everything I have ever wanted in a relationship. While everything has been fantastic, we have had some issues in our relationship that center around trust and communication. Our previous relationships failed for many reasons, primarily because of infidelity and being lied to. We have at times displayed a lack of trust for each other because of being hurt in the past. I am hoping to correct my lack of trust and communications issues through therapy and proving to him over time that I will never hurt him or cheat on him.

Where it gets complicated is that on our one year anniversary, he proposed to me. I told him that I thought it was too soon and that I felt I wanted to resolve any and all of the trust issues we have before committing to marriage. Needless to say he was hurt, said that he would get over it and would look to ask me again in a year. My question is, is it possible that I have caused irreparable damage to the relationship? Should I have said yes (as I do see myself marrying him some day) while committing to a long engagement? Is working these things out before marriage absolutely necessary?

Finally, we get to work through the same issues as heterosexuals. Finally, dating and relationships have a structure that helps order them, even if that structure is recognized in abeyance.

(Photo: David McNew/Getty.)