Heads, Hearts, Marriage

A reader writes:

You wrote:

I stand conflicted here: my head is with restraint; my heart and my head are with equality.

I feel the same way, and my advice is go with your heart. As a gay man of a certain age, my feeling that the California marriage decision will result in a backlash that will only set us back is eerily familiar. I remember feeling it when I first heard that some Massachusetts couples (against the wishes of gay organizations) filed suit to get married, I felt it again when the Supreme Court threw out the Texas sodomy law and when the Massachusetts Supreme Court ordered up gay marriage. In an election year, yet.

In one sense, I was right to feel that way. The backlash against gay marriage in Massachusetts has resulted in constitutional bans in more than half the states.

And with what result? We’re winning!

 

In just the past five years, we have civil unions (remember how radical that concept was when it was first considered in Hawaii) in about a tenth of the states, opposition to gay marriage has dropped significantly in the polls, anti-discrimination bills are almost routinely passed even by Legislatures in red states and none of the presidential candidates favors the once motherhood-and-apple-pie federal marriage amendment.

What is less measurable, but far more important, is that gay people go about their lives and jobs with a casualness they didn’t enjoy even 10 years ago.

So things are rosy? No. We could get clobbered in California in November.

But here’s the thing, Andrew, it’s the fight that’s important. If the past is any guide, the outcome won’t make any difference.

To understand how inexorable the gay movement is, put yourself in the shoes of a social conservative. For as long as they can remember, they’ve won almost every referendum, legislative vote and (despite what they fervently believe) most court decisions. The electoral victories are not even close. And yet the gay movement keeps gaining! If you’re a social conservative, gay people must seem like vampires they keep driving a stake in our heart and yet we keep coming back.

If you’ve got a heart that strong, Andrew, you pay attention to it.