Tom Lee offers a simple solution for those who find themselves unctuously informing the rest of us that they do not own a television:

If you don't own a TV, go buy one. This way you'll never be tempted to unnecessarily mention

If you don't own a TV and are able to refrain from relating this fact, then, uh, carry on.

TO CLARIFY: You don't have to watch it, of course. That's your call. But by owning a television, most attempts to proudly explain your aversion to the medium will become so bogged down in qualifiers that they'll never escape your lips. This will be well worth the $19 investment.

ALSO: Obligatory Onion reference.

that you don't own a television, preventing everyone else from thinking you're a supercilious jackass.


Remember, these days, when you say "I don't own a television", you're not just misleading people into believing that you spend all of your spare time reading Proust in the original Sanskrit; you're also signalling that you don't have a Wii.  This is a major social liability.