Two days ago, I discovered your new Cherry Chocolate Diet Doctor Pepper. My heart leaped. A song sprang to my lips. Finally, something to break the tedious monotony of the 97 Diet Cokes I consume every day. Once, often twice a day, I have been trekking down to the CVS in my office building that carries your product to replenish my stock.

Today, I discover that you are planning to discontinue this product--nay, that you already have, as today is May First, and Wikipedia states that you are only producing it through April.

I am shocked and hurt. I grieve. I thought we'd found something beautiful together, and yet as soon as I give my heart to you, you shamelessly break it. Ain't I a woman? If you prick me, do I not bleed? Have you no shame, sir? At long last, have you no shame?

Well, I have none. I beg. I plead. I grovel and abase myself. Please do not discontinue my new favorite soda.

Or at least, tell me where I can buy a few cases.

Sincerely,

Megan McArdle